freedom is what i need.

This year has been so fucked up.. from start to finish, i made a mistake and now i;m living with it.. i dont know what to do, but i just have to live with it, pretend to be happy, and try to hide myself. i hide myself because i dont know how to explain myself. i pretend to be a perky little ball of fun, when i'm not having any at all. i cant do what i did before because i because a bitch for it, this time the other person has to do it so i do not feel bad. i'm living a life i dont want to be living. i just want to fuckin die sometimes. i would rather be single right now.. but i'm not, i'm stuck in a relationship that i am regretting. i cant break up with him, because i did that before, and i wnted to give things a last try, but i wish i didnt. i wish i just stayed single. what the fuck is wrong with me? i cant deal with it.. i want to fucking be done with it so i can be free. i want to be free so badly. but how can i free myself from the burden? i cant. i need to and i dont know how. i need help. but where?

i need a physiologist.