freedom is what i need.

This year has been so fucked up.. from start to finish, i made a mistake and now i;m living with it.. i dont know what to do, but i just have to live with it, pretend to be happy, and try to hide myself. i hide myself because i dont know how to explain myself. i pretend to be a perky little ball of fun, when i'm not having any at all. i cant do what i did before because i because a bitch for it, this time the other person has to do it so i do not feel bad. i'm living a life i dont want to be living. i just want to fuckin die sometimes. i would rather be single right now.. but i'm not, i'm stuck in a relationship that i am regretting. i cant break up with him, because i did that before, and i wnted to give things a last try, but i wish i didnt. i wish i just stayed single. what the fuck is wrong with me? i cant deal with it.. i want to fucking be done with it so i can be free. i want to be free so badly. but how can i free myself from the burden? i cant. i need to and i dont know how. i need help. but where?

i need a physiologist.

i am SORRY

I am sorry about hurting and lying to you today*
And i am sorry for all of the other days i might have done the same.
I am sorry for putting you somewhere that you didn't wanna be.
I am sorry for putting anyone else in front of you.
I am sorry for hurting you and not him.
I was wrong.
I should of said something else, or the truth for that matter.
But its hard when one is forced to hurt someone they love.
In order to keep the one they are falling in love with.
That could leave any day and never come back.
I am sorry, i should of trusted you more with this.
But didn't.
You know that i would never do anything like that.
I am not like that.
And you should of known that i would never do anything to hurt you.
I love you with all my heart.
You are someone i would die with out.
I would take a bullet for you.
You are my best friend and my "sister".
Therefore if i ever did anything like this,
You would be the first person to find out.
Because i trust you with everything.
You are always in my heart'n'soul
I would never do anything like this, for both you and i resent it.
i love you, my best friend.

Mirror-BARlow Girl

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?
'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am
I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect
So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me
And to Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me

You don't define me, you don't define me

you

i could wait 1 million days, if on the millionth day i got to see you.
but when you have to wait a few days more than you would like.
you get fed up with waiting.
you said i promise i will see you no matter what.
that day has come and gone yet still no phone call.
i really want to see you cause i really miss you.
but that doesnt seem to matter to you.
you dont care if i wait, but as soon as you have to.. u r through.
and i dont want it to be over, cause i miss you and everything about you.
i need your voice so that i can sleep at night,
i need to see you so that way i know your ok
i wish i could be with you every second of everyday, but i cant.
all i know is that in my heart
you're the only thing that makes it so that i can
live and breathe with out dying or feeling horrible.
all i need is you,
not just the you in the weekends, but i want you to be real with me 24/7!
because i really need you

why excitement and happiness? why?

as my heart pounds from excitement
i don't understand why.
sure i am happy that i am talking to you
but how is talking to you any different from talking to the other guys i have liked
i cant make a decision on why
is it because i missed you?
is it because you have been gone and i have been waiting?
or is it because i really like you more than anyone else i have ever liked?
either way it comes to me being excited.
all i know is that when i talk to you
everything else seems to disappear,
nothing in the world matters,
its just you and me talking as if we have known each-other for years,
we joke, laugh, tell each-other the complications in our life, and we talk about us.
when we talk about us, it is hard to focus cause i am so happy and different things rush through my mind with every word you put in my head, but i am still happy and excited.
why?
i don't know the answer to yet, all i can say is that there is a reason, and it needs to be discovered, for why i am like this... but only with you

someone

has someone told u that they r there for u, then bailed
has someone told u that they would always be there when u come back
has someone told u that they loved u and always would, but then when u r redy, they r gone?
has anyone turned their back on u when u needed them most
has someone promised to b by ur side through the good and bad times, but when the bad turns to worst they r gone?

promise not to b that someone, promise to b that

someone who will hold on to the hand of the one they love and never let go
someone who will hold u so close, no one can hurt u
someone who will promise that he wont ever treat u like u've been treated in the past

everyone is looking for the special someone, and when u find them makesure u keep them, cause people like that dont come around very often...

if u've got something good, dont destroy it, cherish it

do you see

i am happy
i know why but do you
i have butterflies in my stomach
all i can do is dream
its beautiful, just you and me
i am, but do you see, how you have changed my personality?
i cant stop smiling
i am always happy
and everyone knows it, but do you...

i need to get to know you better, but i have fun talking to you, i am always relaxed
i get to be myself...


but do you see?